Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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