You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
