I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
should my penis look like a turkey
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
