I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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