And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
