my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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