The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
