so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
