hotel room ftw
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
