girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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