Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(510): View more from California

my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw

(281): View more from Texas

I love Texas.

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina

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(480): View more from Arizona

He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.

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(914): View more from New York

Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.

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(646): View more from New York

How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.

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(410): View more from Maryland

i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know

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(440): View more from Ohio

From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.

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(514): View more from Quebec

i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.

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