Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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