I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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