sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
