____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
