Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
