do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
