i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
