guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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