Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
