farters have to be the big spoon...
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
