Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
