I'm gonna have a badass scar
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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