he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
