my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
