Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
