I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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