So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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