it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
And then he peed in my hair
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