Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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