Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
They are going to name an STD after you.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
