Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
