U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
