Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
