I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
