We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
