I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Randomize
