you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
