I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
can u get pink eye on your cock?
worst night to have a conscience
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
