for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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