I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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