everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
