people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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