i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
