Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
