hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
