My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
