I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
