I heard we made out
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
