You really coming over, don't trick.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
